An Acquired Taste, An Embarrassment to Some

I decided to add a disclaimer. I can only vouch for my experience of my ill being and well being I am not being critical about (you who have it wrong) your way of dealing with things. My tongue was firmly in my cheek when I wrote the brackets. I am getting it right for me. However we manage our struggle and/also/or dance with life we are all just learning and new truth (or what we currently hold as true) changes our ideas about what is and isn't acceptable. 

This is the day after a pretty big meltdown where a doctor pushed my buttons and I did express some of how I felt about that on facebook but it has also made me think about things and pushed me in a direction I hadn't intended taking maybe. I was very distressed after the appointment but I am thinking of booking a double appointment with him and preparing notes of my experience and facing my fear of the system of treating symptoms not individuals...he was a nice doctor just caught in a system that binds him as well as me. Well I could be wrong but that was the impression I got. 

5 hours ago

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Calmer today. Potentially more help is on its way. My hands feel like I have been clinging on to a tightrope for dear life. I haven't had hand pain like this for months. As all things it will pass...

 d continued.......left eye is sore...svery tired but active mind can't switch off cos time3line needs to be written or notes started....not my ego's idea...just got myself all relaxed & healing self took over!!!

• 2 hours ago · 
• feck just lost huge wedge3 of badly typed but also treble or more effort to type thing...hand hurting wrists too

  2 hours ago · 
• inspiration strikes and doesn't always give you first choice to record it so I did a video...after recording it I thought of how I am an acquired taste, embarrassing to my family...

  24 minutes ago · 
•  it's uploading...by the way I used to get embarrassed even when presenting myself far better than the video that is currently uploading....I can't remember what I said now....but it is all a start to a possible chance of what happens between relapses...it can last hours days...I'm looking forward to it happening more than a few hours a day but daily for weeks...wouldn't that be marvellous...when I engage with my passion I get there...stresses get in the way and ill being happens in more extreme ways...

  11 minutes 
• I get a feeling like stage fright when I post a video...no matter how big the audience is...when I am in the right mood and with people I can be myself with without them getting too shocked or weirded out I can go on a roll....I did tonight...it's been a lovely night....the rainbow after the storm.

  8 minutes ago ·